2013 – A New Beginning

It’s been quite a while since I blogged regularly. I have been feeling the urge to share my thoughts again in a venue where I can get feedback from others; and just really feeling the need to express myself in writing, the way I used to.

I have a lot of things to update regarding this blog, but the past week, I have been considering “New Year’s Resolutions”.  I’m not really very good at keeping resolutions, but I want to live this next 12 months with some sort of intention and plan. I haven’t really ever done that before. But I really want 2013 to be SPECIAL. Noteworthy. A time of transformation and a new direction.
So instead of making resolutions, I would like to state intentions. Specifically, I am going to state intentions – ranging from intensely personal, to family-related, to finance, to just-for-fun.

So, here goes:

1. I fully intend on cultivating more patience and kindness with my husband and children. Lately, I have let my irritability and impatience color my dealings with them, and my tongue has become quite sharp. I really want to try to be more present in mind when they need something from me or want to ask/tell me something.
2. I fully intend on cultivating more patience and kindness with MYSELF.  I have become such a cruel critic of myself that I often find myself in the throes of terrible anxiety/panic attacks when I am indulging in leisure activities, or trying to take much-needed naps. There is nothing like having a guilt-induced panic attack just because you’re trying to catch an afternoon nap when your kids are not at home.
3. I fully intend to allow myself downtime every day without guilt or “woulda”, “shoulda” or “coulda” statements. If my fibromyalgia, SAD, or anxiety is causing me to need to take it easy for the entire day, I need to allow myself to do this without recrimination.
4. I fully intend to continue to work on cultivating multiple streams of income. I have two very good part-time work-from-home gigs going on, and I’m going to encourage those employers to send more work my way, and increase my monetary contribution to the household. I will try to be open to new avenues of income as well.
5. I fully intend on continuing to work from home, but not more than 35-40 hours a week.  For once in my life, I’m going to do my best to avoid getting burned out, as I have so often done with employment in the past.
6. I fully intend to continue the progress I’ve made with my dietary choices. I all but eliminated caffeine from my diet this fall. My hope for this year is to seriously cut down on soda drinks, and to drink more water. I also would like to approach eating healthier by picking one unhealthy food choice at a time and replace it with something healthier. When I feel I have overcome that unhealthy food habit, I will tackle another one. Again, trying hard not to get burned out.
7. Become more disciplined and organized with regard to time management.  I have always tried to come up with these all-encompassing schedules, to-do lists, calendars, systems, etc., and they never seem to last very long. My goal is to really cut out all the things I have always told myself I HAD to include in a schedule/system, and simplify my schedule, so that I don’t feel so overwhelmed with housework, paying bills, etc.  I am going to have a far less stringent approach to expectations with regard to keeping house, and decide what the truly important tasks are each week and do my best to get those few things done. I don’t need to worry about dusting every week, or mopping every other day, etc. It’s just silly. I can go a couple of weeks without doing those things and you can’t even tell, so obviously these are just expectations put in my head by my OCD mother’s upbringing! I hate to have chaos in my home, but picking up clutter is one thing – getting down and hand washing the floors is excessive and I need to stop putting that on myself.
8. I fully intend on making more time to spend with my husband. We’ve never had the chance to be “just us two”, as he already had a daughter when we got together. We have never had a good support system of people to watch our kids for us so we can go out and be together. That hasn’t changed really, but I am willing to hire some of the college kids that I know well to babysit now that they are grown. I don’t have to just depend on my oldest daughter’s availability to make this happen. My relationship with my husband needs nurturing, and not just once every couple of months. I want to put this to the forefront of my efforts this year.
9. I fully intend on taking care of ME: taking more of an interest and pride in my appearance, investing in myself with exercise, spiritual/mental care, and fun and hobbies. I really want to be happy where I am at now, instead of focusing on some far-off time when all will be aligned. I find the most happiness from the simplest pleasures, ones that I have always enjoyed – reading, music, movies, games, etc., and I need to allow myself those things without guilt. Life’s too short not to be happy. And red lipstick and garish eye makeup make me happy too, so I’m going to take more time for myself to vamp it up, even if I’m just gonna be home that day.
10. Work on the worrying – I really need to get a handle on my self-talk. My inner dialogue is my own worst enemy. If nothing else happens this year, I have to beat this inner demon that judges me more harshly than all the bully cheerleaders at my high school ever did.

Well, that’s all I’ve got right now. Basically it boils down to: BE NICER TO MYSELF. BE NICER TO MY FAMILY. KEEP IT SIMPLE, SILLY. IF IT FEELS GOOD, LET YOURSELF DO IT.  STOP TREATING MY BODY LIKE A TRASH COMPACTOR AND MORE LIKE A TEMPLE.

Have a great week!!

Hey, it’s ok

It has been almost a month since my last post.  Because we had gotten so behind in the money department our internet service was cut off.  We don’t have it back up yet but probably in the next week or so. 

Life is otherwise going well.  My new job is stimulating, exciting and HARD.  Kind of like my man. LOL

I love working in the courthouse.  Not only is it cool to be in the courthouse, but by virtue of my job I’m right in the center of all the activity and all the stories, and all the people.  I am enjoying it right now, and trying like crazy to avoid any horror stories of criminal trials but I know that soon that will not be an option.  I have only been in the official position I was hired into, for about a week.  I really enjoy it, and the people I am working with.  I am very sorely missed up in the Probate department too so that is sweet to know.

I am doing some wonderful, special things for myself.  This weekend I am getting my teeth whitened!  And I’m having another skin consultation, and probably will schedule the first few weeks of whatever skin treatment I decide to go with.  Probably microdermabrasion or peels or something.  This is to work on reducing the appearance of the acne scars.  After that I am going to see a local, very well known and respected cosmetic surgeon about getting neck liposuction or a chin or face lift.  😀 

In the meantime, my BIL and SIL found a treadmill for me, and I’m looking for an exercise bike and mini trampoline for my fitness regimen.  I decided that with everything else I have going on, going to a gym is not something I want to try to fit into my day.  With the treadmill I can do walking or running for 30 to 45 minutes before I get ready for work every day.  When I come home from work I’m going to do 30 additional minutes of cardio every other day, and the alternate days some flexibility or strength training. 

My ultimate plan is to get to feeling as good about myself (my appearance, etc.) as possible.  Because a lot of the things that bother me can be worked on.  Thus the plan.

I made a list of all the things I want to do or set into motion as a regular thing and I’m going through it trying to make those things happen.

I got a fabulous new haircut too, and I would love to show you a pic but I am not really feeling like uploading pictures at this time.  It’s SHORT! and it’s all newfangly and shorter in the back than the front.  It’s really quite mod and sexy.  Hubby loves it and I have gotten tons of compliments from everyone. 

Long story short — feeling tons smarter, more valuable, and prettier.  Also feeling tons more tired and when it’s been a long hard day, I am not quite being the nicest mom in the world.  This is something I need to work on. 

I am off meds as of last month.  So far I have not seen the need to go back on.  My doc was going to take me off them soon anyway if I continued to progress because now the doc and my therapist think maybe I’m not so much bipolar as someone who is affected by my environment to an extreme degree.  I have been doing so much better since I went back to work that they feel that this alone should help me get back into a more steady mindset.  So far, it has done just that.

And a few more paychecks coming in should improve our financial situation drastically.  We are well pleased.

Lola is really doing well in daycare, so I think everyone is benefitting from this arrangement.

I love my babies and my man.  They are my world and I’m so glad that everyone seems to be doing well in this situation.

This was supposed to be a quick update but turned out longer than I thought.

I have to go…I have limited time online and I need to check on all my buddies.

CG

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I miss *us*

I am definitely in a down time.  I did, however, express to my husband that I felt like he and I needed to reconnect in a “romantic” way because I feel like he and I are not as close as we have been as far as that sort of thing goes.  He has been great to me lately, very supportive of the things I’m trying to do to change my life, but as far as feeling like we are in love with each other, that feeling has not surfaced in a while on BOTH of our parts.  I know he loves me, and I am just feeling that maybe my declining beauty and getting older is really affecting his attraction to me.  Plus the weight and all that.  I don’t *feel* sexy so I don’t want to have sex, etc.

I have been focusing too much on that lbs number.  I kind of lost sight of why I started working out and taking better care of myself in the first place.  It wasn’t about getting skinny.  It was about getting *healthy*.  If I am feeling healthier — that is, less pain, more energy, better moods, etc. — THAT is the goal.  Not a number on the scale.  If I achieve the goals and I’m still a size 16 then that is going to have to be OK.  I cannot happily focus on something like that.  I have to find my beauty no matter where I am.  If as a side effect of living a bit healthier, I lose some weight, then fine.  But that cannot be the purpose. 

It has disappointed me that I am having to watch my calories SO damned closely.  I can’t do that.  I am going to continue to track my food, and try to stay within the caloric range.  I am trying to include lots of water, veggies and fruit, and protein in the mix; less carbs; but I’m not going to obsess over it.  I’m going to try to focus on getting more exercise…and worrying a bit less about eating rabbit food all day, every day.  This is not to say that I am going to go hog wild and eat junk food all the time again.  I know that is bad for me.  That is counterproductive to the “feeling better” mission. 

I have noticed that when I go a few days without drinking lots of water, my newly cleared-up skin starts breaking out like crazy.  I get canker sores in my mouth, my skin gets even drier than normal, etc.  So I know that water is absolutely imperative.  And I have been going kind of crazy with the pop drinking.  Because it is in the house.  Now that it is all gone (thanks to my binging), I can start over with that. 

I actually really enjoyed myself when I was holding out my streak on not drinking pop, and doing crunches every day, etc.  And I do enjoy doing cardio.  I wish I enjoyed strength training a bit more.  I hate doing it.  I hate calisthenics, and I hate dumbbells.  This is where I wish I was using circuit training machines.  Maybe if I had a workout bench, etc., and a specific place set aside for me to work out it would be easier.

I wish I could have time every day to do 45 minutes of (enjoyable) cardio, and 20 minutes of yoga.  The yoga I would prefer to do in the evening.  I *could* do it at night but after I put Lola to bed, I’m just so tired I want to sit and have a quiet moment or just go to bed.  I would do even more cardio if I could because I know it will benefit me.  The strength training I know I should do every other day 3 x a week.  It is just SO boring and hard to do when I have to look at the computer screen for every exercise and try to use things around the house for stability or balance. 

This has nothing to do with my mood except that I know that my lack of activity or structure really affects my feelings. 

After I shared with my husband today that I feel lonely and I miss our love and our chemistry, he came home with a card and flowers.  I love him.  I know he loves me and I just want to know that he still adores me like he used to.  I feel so scared that these inches of extra weight on me are draining his attraction to me.  And since I know my birth control pills are sapping all my libido our sex life has been nil lately.  I am switching back to my old pill at the end of this pack. 

I think I need to take a bit of time for myself — I mean, to spend a little time on being a *girly girl* and recharge my feminine batteries so to speak.  I need to color my hair, I need to get a pedicure, I need to go through my clothes and get all the prettiest stuff out for wearing.  I need some new shoes (as we’ve discussed), and I’d LOVE a little extra money to get some good outdoor walking clothes, and some Bare Essentials makeup.  Oh, wouldn’t that be lovely.

Money would help.  A lot.  As usual.

2nd entry for today 11.01.07

Miles Walked: 2.5

Minutes Walked:  30

Workout Heart Rate: 110

Strength Training (Yes/No):  Yes

Days Without Soda: 13/365

Days of Doing 50 Crunches:  14

Yoga (Yes/No): Yes

Glasses Water Drank: 9+

 

This has been a pretty good day, considering I spent a few hours out of the house running errands and visiting at the SIL’s house while Princess was in babysitting class with her cousin.

 

I am really tired and ready to go to bed.  See the previous entry to see all the great stuff I accomplished in October! yay me!

 

November starts the next phase of my health regimen.  My goal is to keep my calorie consumption around 1720 per day, and try to burn 300-600 calories a day.  30 minutes walking at the pace I walk burns me around 240 calories.  I am thinking that I need to come up with something to do in the afternoon that can burn some more calories.  Probably some calisthenics and some dancing.  I just found a cool website and I’m thinking of ordering the dance videos: http://www.flirtygirlfitness.com — they have some sexy dance routines that I would like to do to help me get back in touch with sexy movement.  I’m feeling distinctly non-sexy lately. 

 

Oh, well, I should get off here and go to bed.  Good night!

PS – My hair is really, really soft tonight.  Like clouds in heaven.  Too bad my hubby is too busy fixing other peoples’ computers in the basement, because he’s missing out on some hair paradise up here.  And it smells great too.

Great Day!

Ladies — Today is going GREAT.

I woke up at 8:20 a.m. and actually got up out of the bed on my own, NO prodding from the hubby, and I got dressed, did my stretches, got ready to go and walked into my bedroom.  My hubby was laying there with his eyes open, and he looked really surprised that I was dressed, mp3 player and timer ready to go.  I said, “I’m outta here, hon.” and he looked really impressed.

Out the door I went.  The music was great on my mp3 player and I was walking fast…I’ve been reading on this great walking website (http://www.thewalkingsite.com/beginner.html) about short and quick strides and visualizing walking a straight line, looking straight ahead and not at the ground, etc.  Also they said the faster you swing your arms, your legs will follow and this works.  The sun was filtering through the trees, so every few steps I would emerge into a shaft of sunlight and it felt so good.  It was chilly, but the sunshine was warm.  I walked without pain for approximately half the walk.  Started to get a bit sore in the second half, but not as bad as it has been previously.  I suspect that this is because of the flexibility exercises I’ve been doing from the previously mentioned walking website.  I just felt happy to be alive, happy that I am sticking to something for the first time in years, and knowing that my husband is proud of me.

I have been working out my plan for weight loss when going in to Phase 2 of the SparkPeople program.  I have figured it out that for the first 10 or 20 lbs I need to keep my calorie intake to no more than 1720 calories per day, and I want to try to burn 200-600 calories per day.  I’m not sure how I am going to structure this, now that we are going into the lovely season of Winter here in Michigan and I am not a penguin so I don’t like being out there too long.

I am planning on making Phase 2 last 12 weeks instead of 6.  I’m going to work for 2 weeks on each of the week’s points so that I can make sure they are embedded in my mind.  I need that extra bit of reinforcement to make sure things stick. 

If I could lose 2 lbs per week, by the time I am out of Phase 2, I could have lost 24 lbs.  That would take me down to 166 lbs., and a lot closer to my first goal of 160.  Once I’m there, I am hoping to get down to 150 or 140.  I think this is a nice weight for me to be, not too skinny, I get to keep my curves that my hubby loves and still be slim enough to wear the things I really enjoy wearing. 

Weight loss has become more of an interest since I have begun this change in my life-style.  I originally started this to work on modulating my mood swings for the bipolar disorder.  I have found without doubt that this is working for that.  These changes I’m making are not only exercise and nutrition, but also being more conscious of how I spend my time and making sure that I take care of my responsibilities as a wife, mother, friend and daughter.  Now that I have proved to myself that this is really helping me emotionally and mentally, and I am starting to see the benefits of consistent exercise and controlling my urge to overeat, I am hoping that my dream of getting back to a sexy body is closer than I had been thinking.  It seemed as far away as the moon.  I figured I couldn’t even meet my basic needs, how the hell could I possibly get fit?  No self control, no determination, no dedication, etc.  But I’m finding that I still have that in me–and the momentum builds as I get up and add another day to the tally of days I have lived this new way.

I am also seeing a definite lack of “fun” in my life, and I am really thinking about what I can do to infuse some enjoyment back into my days.  I mean, hanging out with my kids is fun, but I mean “MY” kind of fun…reading, other hobbies, etc.  It is time.  I am hoping that I can really curb the internet time, and spend that time with my kids, and also making time to seize joy during my days. 

Today for instance, the house is basically straightened up.  I don’t worry too much about the living room because that is where Lola plays.  I clean that up at night before bedtime so we start fresh in the morning.  The rest of the house is straightened, beds made, etc.  Tomorrow I will need to sweep and mop in preparation for my sister’s arrival, although I doubt she really cares about such things.  I will also do a load of laundry today as well, but other than that, housework is done.  It is currently 11:30 a.m. and I do have to run around this afternoon, so my time at home is short.  I have to go to my SIL’s house for 2-3 hours this evening while Princess is attending a babysitting course with her cousin in SIL’s neighborhood.  After that I need to get some groceries in the house this evening before my sister comes tomorrow.

I think I feel a bit uneasy like I’m missing something or should be doing more.  I can’t really see what though.  I am really not in the mood to take on some huge house overhaul or anything.  No special projects other than overhauling myself.  I think I may feel a bit funny about how much time I’m spending on SparkPeople right now but I think in order to effect the changes I’m trying to effect, I need to be on there to help keep my mind focused, or my eyes on the prize, as it were.

I just spend an hour or so going through the site, reading articles, etc.  I go to My SparkPoints page and I basically go down the list and do everything and get my points — but it helps me because I am watching those videos, and reading about nutrition and health conditions, etc.  It stays with me through the day and keeps me more conscious of my health decisions.

Wow, this is long winded.  I guess I should go and live my life today.  Thanks for listening.

Today’s Inspirational Muse brought to you by:

Would I Lie To You? – Eddy & Something or other, the name is screwed up.
Shining Star – Earth, Wind & Fire
Rock Steady – The Whispers
Where Da Party At – Nelly (feat. Jagged Edge)
Last Night I Didn’t Get To Sleep at All – Fifth Dimension
Crazy – Gnarls Barkley
Do Me! – Bell Biv Devoe
The Power – Snap

End of Day 10.23.07

Miles Walked: N/A (I danced)
Minutes Danced:  30
Workout Heart Rate: 120
Strength Training (Yes/No): Yes
Days Without Soda: 9/365
Days of Doing 50 Crunches:  9
Yoga (Yes/No): No
Glasses Water Drank: 9+

My newest 3 Day Challenge was limiting my time on the internet to 1.5 hours.  I do not count coming on SparkPeople and entering my information in that calculation.

Today was Day 1 of that and I did it.

As a result, I spent quite a bit more quality time with my daughters today.  Yay me!

I did play some video games on the computer this evening while everyone else was busy, but it wasn’t the same as going to the websites where I really waste my time and just get myself stressed out.

Hopefully tomorrow it won’t be raining in the morning, so I can go walking.  I hate how dreary it is.  I need sunlight.  I wither away without it.

I am horny – I will go and address this situation.

“Keeping a Streak Alive”

So…it’s Saturday and here’s the hard part — keeping focused on my day-to-day goals.  So far, so good.  I’m treating it like any other day — trying to get all my goal activity done before my husband goes to work — except he’s not going to work today (yay!).

I did that “lifestyle scale” thingy yesterday on SparkPeople and it said I was “Veering Off Track”.  I’m assuming it was because of the calories consumed yesterday.  Because I did *everything* else…we went out to the mexican restaurant last night and I’m guessing the Burrito Al Carbon is what pushed me over the edge.  But oh, it tasted divine!

Today I also did my strength training.  I am really happy that I just bit the bullet and did it, even though I really didn’t feel like it.  This is the type of determination that I have been missing for a long time.  Any day that I have it is a blessing, in my book.

OK, I didn’t do the yoga last night!!!  My 3 Day mini challenge is really proving to be a challenge for me.  I was just saying I need to do Yoga every night for 3 nights.  Maybe it’s the “night” part that is defeating me.  How about 20 minutes of yoga for 3 days (time can be variable)?  Let’s try that.

I want to walk every single day.  I really enjoy it, the endorphins are great and being outside is good for me.  I’m just not sure how I’m going to handle it when the snow starts flying.  I think I still need to be out there anyway, at least whenever I can.  However, I do have my bellydance tapes, and hoping against hope to get a treadmill someday.  I just have no money for one, so I’m looking for a free one or near free.  It doesn’t have to be fancy.  It just has to be an electric one and have adjustable speeds.  It doesn’t need to have an incline or anything…I’m putting out there in the universe and hoping someday it will come back to me!!

I’ve been thinking that I would also love to have a hot tub.  I think it would be so good for my muscles.  I would settle for a new bathtub that I actually *fit* into, deep enough to fill with nice hot water.  Another thing out there in the universe…

I have a bit of housework to do, but Hubby and I need to go run some errands too.  I’ll just get done what I can.  As long as the dietary and exercise quotient is met then I feel my day has been successful.

Paid all the important bills yesterday, but to my chagrin, there’s not enough to do everything that needs done (AGAIN).  I don’t know how we’ll come up with the funds to do what needs done, but I believe in my hubby…I know he’ll come through; and I’m going to try to be as thrifty as possible in the next couple of weeks so maybe we’ll skirt through.

I slept great last night… ;-D  My hubby apparently wanted to help me be more relaxed…thank you thank you thank you Hubby!!!

Today’s Inspirational Muse Brought To You By:

I Want Her — Keith Sweat
I Know There’s Something Going On – Frida
We’re In This Love Together — Al Jarreau (Yay)
Rock Me Amadeus — Falco
Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back) – Eamon (nice title, huh?)
Rock The Casbah – The Clash!!! (Rock the cash bar!)

Ok, Ok!!!

Geez–I’ve been referred to as Miz Thang…and impressed upon to write an update.  OK! Ok!!!  LOL

What is up with me.  Hmm…It’s 07/07/07.  I hope today is lucky for someone.

I have been laying low the last few days.  I am in that “psycho pocket” of days before my period so trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings or get mine hurt too badly.  Basically just been concentrating on getting through the days because I am definitely in a slump, probably because of “the hormonees”.  The Prozac I started taking, “that no work” for “the hormonees” (I’m pulling an Aunt Voola there…)

We are so unbelievably broke, which is the norm these days.  Hubby worked a crapload of overtime over the last pay period.  We get our paystub on Thursday and find that he was paid for a straight 80 — that’s 2 40 hour weeks — so he is missing 22 hours of overtime, 5 days of travel expense pay, and a 10% wage differential for working night shift.  It adds up to about $1450 of much needed fundage.  We will probably not get it until the next paycheck.  This is bad — he did that overtime for a reason — we have bills that need paid and we are supposed to be leaving for Tennessee on Thursday for 6 days; and also leaving the kids with my mom and sister for a few days after that — need to leave some money for them too.

Hubby’s boss is going to bat for him and trying to get them to cut an off cycle check…this is very rare and I think it’s probably not going to happen.  The boss says he would be willing to give us the money and then we could pay him back when we do get the money from the company.  I am not all that comfortable with that.  My sister said not to do that, to let her give us the money, but I don’t think she realizes its $1400.  LOL.  We may just borrow the money for traveling from her.  The bills are just going to have to wait.  All we have money for right now is our house payment and food and gas.  Nice, huh?  We just are behind and I wanted to catch up before things got bad.  Oh well.  This is going to be the story of our life until Lola is in school and I can work again, full time.  I love this country and how hard it is for a family to make it on one income.  Capitalist Prick Bastards.  My husband actually makes a respectable wage, it’s just so damned expensive to LIVE.  We could make it just fine, but we don’t want to live so damned frugal that the kids miss out on stuff.  If we had more discipline I’m sure we wouldn’t be having these problems.  We were doing ok before I got all down after Lola was born.  Hubby has passed on a lot of overtime over the last couple of years because I just needed him to come home and relieve me from the kids, etc. because I was feeling so horrible. 

I have also overspent many, many times out of depression or on a manic spree.  He has been so patient with me.  His argument is what I consider a “manic spending spree” is the normal lady’s “just picked up a few things at the store”.  I know that I feel like if I spend $75 on myself or the kids that wasn’t planned I beat myself up about it.  MY thing is that we don’t HAVE $75 extra to spend, I shouldn’t have spent it on stuff for me…I have enough clothes, I have shoes, there is no reason for me to buy anything new.  The kids often have enough too…Lola is constantly growing so I do need things for her but I overspend when I do go and get her things.  I can go to Barnes & Noble with the kids and spend $60 easily.  I know, go to the library…right?  I do…sometimes we collect a book series, etc., and I buy them…oh well, I suck…I already know.

The weather has been beautiful, but I haven’t been going out much.  Which is really sad because Lola should be outside more.  I’m just low energy and chasing her wears me out.  She always wants to go on Princess’s trampoline (aka “the bing-a-bing”) and it is horrible for my back and joints.  I do go out there some, but not as much as SHE wants to!

Other than that, I am really looking forward to going to Tennessee and being with my family for a few days.  All the Harry Potter fans in the family will be trekking down to Nashville (4 hour drive) to see the new movie in the IMAX 3D.  I am geeked about that.  We are going to go out on the jetskis, and do a few other things like that.  I am really looking forward to it.  My sister, niece and I will work on plans for the niece’s wedding shower and wedding.  I’m the maid of honor so I have a lot of things I need to be doing for this.

Then, we will be coming home on Tuesday the 17th and will be child free (!!!) until the following weekend — the weekend that Deathly Hallows comes out.  I am kind of hoping that Hubby will drive down to meet my sister in Cincinnati and get the kids on his own so I can read my book in peace.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  🙂  But I am also going to enjoy having Hubby to myself for what, 4 or 5 whole days?  We haven’t had more than 6 or so hours alone in YEARS!!!  😛  Surprisingly, although I am looking forward to making love a WHOLE bunch, the things I’m really looking forward to are playing cards, going out wherever we want to go, talking about whatever we want, watching the TV and whatever we want on it, going on walks, candlelit dinners, etc.  But the playing cards I’m really geeked about.  Can’t do that with a little toddler crawling all over you and the table…and once she goes to bed we’re too tired to play cards.  So it will be nice.  I love games.

Anyway…the highlight of the whole 4 or 5 days alone will be him going with me to Walmart in the middle of the night to get Deathly Hallows.  I won’t have to go alone because we can’t leave the kids unsupervised — we can go together and not worry!!  I’m sure this is exactly what he is looking forward to the most (yeah, right).

Deathly Hallows looms hugely in my conscious mind and I really don’t have a lot of other subjects that I want to think about.  I have been waiting a long time for this book and can’t seem to concentrate on anything.  I’m rereading the books AGAIN — I’m almost finished with Goblet of Fire…I want to be able to pick up DH and seamlessly pick up the thread of the story…I am going to really savor this.  I’m going to stock up on my favorite snacks, make a cozy little nest on my bed and only get up to go to the bathroom or take a shower!!!  YAY no kids to distract me — ah the heaven!!!

So that is all that is going on.  Nothing major…I’m sure you’re bored to death.  But YOU asked for it — you know who you are.

CG

Some old entries you might like

I am transferring older journal entries over to here from Diaryland.  I came across a few I wrote back in the Spring of 2004 that I thought people might enjoy.  Some of them are kind of sad, some of them are funny, and some of them I think are a good insight to me as a person.  So here they are.

2/27/04 – A letter to Hobbes

3/24/04 – Steamy Dreams!

3/25/04 – Are You Bona Fide? (This one is funny, at least to me)

3/29/04 – Vanity or Truth

I may link some other ones at a later date.

Protected: Turning Things Around

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Sooooooooo….

It’s Tuesday, I have a messy kitchen and I need to balance the old checkbook.

I’ll consider myself incredible if I muster up the energy or motivation to do both today.

Let’s see what else.

Princess is grounded.  Long story, don’t feel like telling it. 

Princess broke her finger yesterday in gym.  Not related to being grounded.

I’m back up to 185 lbs. 

We’re $100 in the negative in our bank account, $60 of which are NSF fees for the $40 into the red that our bank account went.  But at least the items were paid. But I had worked hard to get us to where this wasn’t happening.  I think Hubby and I need separate accounts.

Lola is doing great, talking more and more every day.  One of the child milestones book I have says she should have a vocabulary of 50 words by her age.  I’d say she has 6 times that amount, at least.  She has been testing and throwing tantrums, etc., but I’m handling it.

My husband and I haven’t made love in at least 3 weeks.  We’ve been staying up too late doing stupid things and by the time we go to bed, we’re too tired.  This has to change.  Last night, we were spooning for hours and I think we both wanted to make love, but neither of us had the energy to take it the next step.  And I seriously felt so attracted to him yesterday, he looked so handsome and I wanted him so badly.  I bet if I had just made some move to take it a step further, we’d have been moving past the exhaustion and makin’ sweet luuuvvv…but tonight I intend that it will happen. I plan on dressing to seduce…

It’s supposed to be 80 degrees here today.  And it’s sunny.  I am very grumpy (been without my meds for 5 days, only just got my prescription last night, thanks to my mom sending me some money), and I think I need to get leveled out on the meds and I’ll feel better.  Until then, I’m thinking some sunlight will increase my wellbeing.  So I should get off here and get my kitchen clean and take my little one out to scamper around.

There’s a lot more but I can’t seem to unlock the floodgates to tell you about it.

CG

MY HOME BUSINESS – My First Show!!!

Yay! As you know, I started a new business, I am selling products that enhance romance and pamper women from head to toe. I’m not allowed to link to the company or anything on a personal web site otherwise I’d tell you the name of the company.

So – My first show is over, and my net profit after all my expenses was $80. That’s not a lot, but this particular party was a bachelorette party, and they rarely have good sales at bachelorette parties (which I find weird). Also, these girls at the party were all between the ages of 18-22. 15 girls came — College girls, they don’t have a lot of money to spend, nor the experience and knowledge to understand how some of the items can really benefit the love life (or they don’t need them yet, LOL).

Now, if I had had 15 ladies between the ages of 25 and 60, especially in the neighborhood that I did the party in last night, I would have made $1000 easily in sales, and I would have profited $200 or $300. Or even more than that.

But I am pleased as punch that I made money in the first place, and I’m tickled pink that my first run through of my presentation went off brilliantly and the girls adored my “on stage persona”. I also feel that I educated them on a few things about sexuality (they asked lots of questions), and made them feel more confident to introduce toys into the bedroom, etc.

Not bad for a first show. It will only get better with experience!

Thanks for all the good energy everyone was sending me the last few days!

Turnaround!

Guess what? I got a call last night from a lady that was referred to me by my mentor in the new business I’m starting. She has a bachelorette party this weekend she wants me to do. There will be at least 10, but up to 20 people! I am sooooo nervous! And I have TONS to do to get ready, so I can’t stay on here long.

Just wanted to let you know that someone must have been sending me good vibes yesterday, and I really appreciate it.

Wish me luck!!!

Beautiful Beans

I just got online to check my email, but I had to stop by and say:

1) I am extremely hungry. It is hard to reduce caloric intake and still feel like you’re eating enough.

2) My littlest daughter is so beautiful. She is laying here on the bed playing with the pack of baby wipes (she likes the bright colors on the outside and the crinkly sound) and I am just looking at her — she has this gorgeous luminous skin, big bright eyes of undetermined color (sometimes they’re green, sometimes they’re brown, sometimes they’re bluish), and this absolutely enchanting little smile. Right now, she’s using that smile on me and I can’t help but grin, even though I have much on my mind. I love her so very much.

3) She just rolled over and over to get herself right next to my leg. She’s pulling on my sleeve.

4) Today I’m going to sit down and using the information I’ve gathered, decide on some meal options I can have that will be filling, taste good, and keep me on my plan. I will probably eat chocolate candy and drink pop while I do that. Joking? I wish I was.

5) I really need to get some more developmental toys for Lola. She’s bored to death with all the little plushy toys she has. She wants action!

6) Speaking of action, have I mentioned before that my husband is a GOD? We’ve been together 7 years, and my tummy still does flip flops when I think of him in certain scenarios, real or imagined. LOL.

7) I must go and get started with our day. Anyway, I can’t hug my Lola with both arms if I’m typing. And I really need to hug her!

Take care, all.