I chose to move to this state to be with Hubby and Princess, because there was no other option at the time. I loved Hubby and I loved Princess and it was the best move I ever made, because they, along with Lola are the best things that ever happened to me, and are the center of my world. It’s just sad that moving up here means that my family and friends drift away from me, no matter how hard I tried to keep my connections with everyone, and all the miles I have driven over the last 15 years to be with people…it is what it is. Moving on.
It’s so nice to know that the people closest to me that I have considered the most important in my life since I was a baby, really understand me and when I’m upset, they support me and try to help me feel better, rather than fucking ridiculing me, or making a joke out of my troubles.
This just goes to show, family is not necessarily a blood thing. Sometimes people who come into your life later on who have no other connection than a soul connection can be the pillars in your life.
I’m feeling a bit selfish and childish today. My husband is off work today, and so is my littlest daughter. It is dreadful out. I had this idea in my mind of us spending a quiet snuggly day together. But it is beginning to look like he is going to have to go to his mother’s to do some chores and repair work. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important to take care of our parents. However…I just feel like sometimes my hubby gets taken advantage of, he does a lot and it seems like there is always more that is expected and never appreciated.
It’s been a super busy day today. I had a lot of errands to run, directly after dropping Lola off to school. Then, I had to come home and work, and other than breaking to go back and pick Lola up from school, there’s been no time for anything else, including journaling. I’m hoping that once I get this project I’m working on caught up this afternoon, I will have time for a real blog entry. Busy busy busy!!! I guess it’s good that I have this much work to do!
It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.
Visiting old cemeteries can be very illuminating. They are so still and silent. So quiet. Old cemeteries remind us that until it is carved in stone, realizing our heart’s desire is possible every day if we recognize what it is that makes us happy.
In Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town a deeply poignant scene takes place in a graveyard. Ghosts comfort the young heroine, who has recently died in childbirth. Emily, still longing for the life she has just left, wishes to revisit it one ordinary, “unimportant” day in her life. When she gets her wish, she realizes how much the living take for granted.
Eventually her visit is too much for her to bear. “I didn’t realize,” she confesses mournfully, “all that was going on and we never noticed … Good-by, world. Good-by, Grover’s Corners … Mama and Papa. Good-by to clocks ticking … and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new-ironed dresses and hot baths … and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”
This is the season of Epiphany, when the renewal of light and revelation are celebrated in the liturgy of the Catholic, Episcopal, and Eastern Orthodox churches. On our new path we seek everyday epiphanies — occasions on which we can experience the Sacred in the ordinary — and come to the awakening, as Emily finally does, that we cannot longer afford to throw away even one “unimportant” day by not noticing the wonder of it all. We have to be willing to discover and then appreciate the authentic moments of happiness available to all of us every day.
[excerpted from the book Simple Abundance; A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach]
Tell us about a teacher who had a real impact on your life, either for the better or the worse. How is your life different today because of him or her?
I have had many really good teachers in my life, but the one that comes to the forefront of my mind was my elementary school librarian – Mrs. Rayburn. Our friendship blossomed because of an unusual situation; my elementary school had a lady come in once a week and tell bible stories in class. Because of my unusual biblical education as a Kindergartner, I often ended up in theological disputes with this little old lady. Because of that, she wouldn’t have me in the classroom when she told her bible stories, so from that point on, I spent those days in the Library with Mrs. Rayburn. I could already read in Kindergarten, and she took that ability and turned it into a serious love of literature. We began to meet before school every morning, to review the book I had taken home the night before and to get a new book for that night. I devoured everything she gave me. By the end of that year, I was already reading James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl and other young fiction. That love of reading has never left me. In addition, Mrs. Rayburn became a fixture in my life outside of school, as I would often be invited to spend weekends at her home with her and Mr. Rayburn. You see, Mrs. Rayburn was estranged from her son, because he had embraced the very religion I was raised in. I feel really good because I helped her understand the religion more, and to become reconciled with her son after she realized it wasn’t bad, like she had been predisposed to believe. She had a real affection for me, and the feeling was mutual. She took on the role of a grandparent to me, as all my grandparents were passed on by the time I was 3 or 4 years old. I stayed in touch with her over the years, even after I moved away from Appalachia and to Cincinnati. I loved her dearly and respected what she did.
A little bit more about Inez (that’s her first name): She was a teacher in one-room schoolhouses when my parents were little. She taught my father in the 40’s in one of those schoolhouses, and she had to travel a long way each direction just to teach there. She was head librarian over several schools and often traveled from school to school visiting the libraries.
Now, as an adult and a parent, I have been volunteering in our elementary media center for three years. Every day that I’m there, helping children find literature to light up their imaginations, shelving books, setting up displays to catch their eyes, I feel Mrs. Rayburn with me. She always went above and beyond her simple duties as an educator and loved all the kids she worked with.
In my life’s chain of events nothing was accidental. Everything happened according to an inner need.
Do you have everything you need right now? What about your wants? Few of us have everything we want, and at times our wants can seem positively all-consuming. Our sensibilities become confused and overstimulated by a mass media that glorifies beautiful people and expensive objects. It’s easy to lose clarity about what it is we need to live authentically. Most of us are hungering for something more in our lives. But do you really think the answer can be found in a glossy magazine or on the movie screen?
If we are to live happy, creative, and fulfilled lives, it is crucial to distinguish between our wants and our needs. Unfortunately, many women blur the distinction and then wonder why they feel so diminished.
Make peace with the knowledge that you can’t have everything you want. Why? Because it’s more important for us to get everything we need. Like infants, we feel contentment when our essential needs are met.
Be courageous. Ask yourself: what is it I truly need to make me happy? The deeply personal answers to this vital question will be different for each of us. Trust the loving wisdom of your heart. It is only after we acknowledge our inner needs that we can harness the creative energy necessary to manifest them in our lives. “It is inevitable when one has a great need of something, one finds it,” Gertrude Stein reminds us. “What you need you attract like a lover.”