I love my husband more than life. Sometimes I get insecure and scared, since I am depressed, staying at home, just getting my business started and not making any money yet, I’m overweight, my skin seems to be aging really fast, and so many other things I am nitpicking on myself about. Then, my husband does something small that hurts my feeling and the next thing I know I feel like he wants to leave me, or something like that.
Depression really prevents you from looking at a situation calmly and rationally. It really makes it hard not to blow things out of proportion and you tend to lean towards extreme reactions.
I tried really hard to be calm about what happened (it was really nothing – it was about money) but it hurt my feelings so much and I really couldn’t talk to anyone about it, I recently came to the conclusion that certain things are very personal between a husband and wife and it would dishonor him and our marriage to tell others about them when they will likely be resolved very quickly. I knew this would be resolved quickly between us, but in the meantime while I’m waiting to work it out with him, I was hurting so bad and it was hard not to tell my sisters or friends about it to get feedback. But I didn’t so I feel pretty good about that. Because he came home last night with flowers and a really sincere apology.
I am also proud of myself because when he came home and apologized, before I accepted it, I told him exactly what I thought about what happened, and my boundaries for future reference on the subject. I did it all lovingly and not angrily. He felt good and I felt good and I think in many ways it actually brought us closer together, reconnected us on some levels that have been neglected since tLola was born.
The flowers are pretty. My marriage isn’t pretty all the time, but most of the time it is gorgeous. I love my husband with all my heart and I am so glad I have someone like him in my life. People make mistakes. I am glad that he is so forgiving of me and my many shortcomings, so the least I can do is honor him with the same treatment.
The boo boo is all better now.