==^..^== Peeping out

Ok first of all, I want to say “I’m Sorry” to all my friends.  I have been more hermit-like than normal since I got home from Tennessee.  I am really not going so well, physically, or emotionally right now.  I am not sure if it is because of this stupid birth control I’m on.  I have bled for 22 days straight.  Today it is finally drying up.  Only a little spotting today.  But I am feeling really anemic and just drained, all around.

We are dealing with some major money issues and we have absolutely no idea how we are going to get through it.  I’m sure we’ll get through it somehow, but we will be messed up for a few months because of this.  It’ll be “draw a bill out of a hat” time on paydays for a few more weeks.  The company has screwed up the last 3 paychecks of Hubby’s, and we can’t seem to get it straightened out.  They have changed how they calculate overtime, and I swear they’ve done this on purpose, so that it is so hard to figure out you won’t bother checking to see if they are ripping you off.  Seriously.  I think that’s why they did this stupid accounting change on the paystubs.  Another thing they have done in the last couple of years is if you have your whole paycheck direct deposited, you don’t get a paystub!!  So we always have a certain amount direct deposited, and the balance on a paper check so we will get our paystub.  But I do think that whole thing is a little shady — No Pay Stub?  Not bloody likely.

Hubby is doing overtime right now but I wonder if it is even worth it considering they haven’t paid him right the last 3 pay periods full of overtime which we desperately needed.

I took Princess to the salon today and we finally got that crazy head of hair dealt with.  She had a lot of damaged ends from being too rough with her hair, and some home coloring mishaps.  We cut a good 6 inches off the length (but it is still below her shoulders), and we had layers put in.  We had the whole head of hair colored a shade darker than her roots, and then put blonde highlights in it.  The stylist, who I absolutely love, gave her a cut that she can fix completely straight, or flipped up at the ends, or flipped under, or scrunched into waves.  She also explained about NOT using a brush to comb through wet hair, to use a wide toothed comb.  Now that her hair is significantly shorter, and thinned out by the layers, she should be able to pull a comb through it.  Used to be she could not get the snarls out, it would take her over a half hour to comb it.  She’d get frustrated and use a brush and just yank holy hell out of it.  I’m hoping this will inspire her to treat her hair better. 

The result was a hair color and style that absolutely becomes her, she looks even more gorgeous.  The color makes her blue eyes really stand out.  I also had her caterpillars, I mean, eyebrows, waxed for her.  That made a startling difference.  She looks so…Girly!!

Next on our agenda is keeping her from biting her nails the next couple of weeks.  I am going to take her to get a manicure, where they will push the cuticle back and then, a week before the wedding, I am going to let her get acrylic nails.  I think it would be worth it to break her of her horrible nail biting habit.  She bites them down past the quick (OUCH!)…and I have tried so many things to get her to stop doing it.  She also bites the skin around the nails too.  I want her hands to look nice for the wedding.  If she doesn’t like having the nails on after that, I will take her to have them soaked off–no harm, no foul.  But I think she will like having pretty nails.  I know she likes having her hair look so smooth, sleek and gorgeous!  She has been on cloud 9 all day.  She can’t wait to see Tay-Tay tomorrow and show her the surprise!

I got her hair done because that was what I was going to do for her as a reward for getting all straight A’s last year.  I kept putting it off, but it needed to be done before school started, and before this wedding took place.  I didn’t even know if there was anything that could be done for her hair because it looked so bad when we went in there this morning.  But our stylist saved it.  It looks amazing and I think Princess will take better care of it from now on. 

Lola is doing tons better.  Her tantrums and what not have definitely slowed down since we got home.  I guess the stimulation of being at Mamaw’s threw her off her game a bit.  She’s calmer, and I think she is in the midst of a growth spurt because all of a sudden, she’s eating a lot more (of the stuff I want her to), and developmentally she is hurtling past milestone after milestone.  She pretty much always goes to bed willingly and cheerfully and 95% of the time, sleeps through the night.  She gets up a bit earlier than I like, but if I went to bed when she did, I’d probably be a bit more chipper, don’t you think?  Her hair, when it is wet, is almost all the way down her back.  But when it’s dry, it’s barely past her shoulders!  MAJOR curls!!!  I have been told multiple times in the last month that she should be in pageants, or modeling.  My brother thinks I should do it to save money for the girls’ college funds.  He thinks I should get them BOTH into modeling.  I have NO plans on doing that even if it IS good money, because I don’t want their heads to be swelled out of control being in an industry that is obsessed with appearances.  They will start to place some of their belief of their self worth on their appearance and the ability of their good looks to earn them money.  I don’t want that connection to be made for my girls.  I want them to love how they look, no matter what they look like, whether it is media-bankable or not.  And I don’t want no prissy-missy attitudes either.  😛

I have a lot of things to do to get ready for Tiffy’s wedding — shopping for gifts, undergarments, shoes, jewelry, shower stuff, and I need to get something done with my hair as well.  Lots to do.  I will be out of town a lot over the next month — I have a trip to Tennessee next week to do to the bridal shower, then a trip to Cincinnati the following weekend to go to Kings Island for Princess’s birthday, then a trip to Tennessee the week after that for a week up to the wedding.  I don’t know if I will be on here much in the next little while, between all of that and me just not feeling great.

I am just gabbling about nothing here, so I will stop now and get ready for bed.  Thanks for listening.

I am sorry that I haven’t been giving feedback or, in the case of you that are having stressful times, support; I have kept you in my thoughts and my heart, and I am praying everything works out for the best for you.

ICKY

Current mood: drained

If you don’t want to hear about women’s bodily functional issues (menstruation), stop now…

I know I haven’t posted since I was out of town, and for that, I’m truly sorry. I just haven’t been feeling so great.

I started some new meds last month and my body is still adjusting.  One of them is a new birth control pill and it is really taking me for a ride.  I have been bleeding for 13 days now.  I am feeling really weak and like I said in the subject line, icky.  I have been home since Sunday and haven’t done anything around the house since I got home.  There are a lot of things I absolutely should be doing but I just don’t have the energy.  I feel like I’m walking around on the verge of tears all day long.

I’m sure some of that is just missing my mom and siblings and Nate, Tiffy and Joey.  I miss them so much.  But a lot of it is the blood loss, I really feel this is a big part of it.  I also had a lot of cramping last night on the left side between the ovary area down to the pubic bone.  No idea what this is about.  I called the midwife’s office and asked them about the birth control and they said this particular one may take up to 3 months to get your body adjusted to.  If my body does get adjusted to it, I’ll be glad because it will hopefully keep my periods shorter and help with my PMS symptoms. 

I missed my last therapy appointment because I was out of town.  I called and cancelled, of course, and I should call and schedule another appointment but that is another thing I don’t feel like doing.  I’m kind of burned out on therapy right now.  That is kind of sad because I do like Sarah.  I just am not feeling the willpower, motivation or anything to work on the next hurdle I need to work on.  Honestly, most of the time I keep going backwards and having to go over hurdles I thought I’d already conquered.  However, I know I need to keep going to therapy because I’m not sure if they will continue to let me take the meds without the therapy as well.  And since the meds DO help a bit I don’t want to stop that.

Lola is going through the terrible two’s full blast now.  We have days that seem to be nothing but tantrums and whining from sun up to sun down.  It exhausts me even further.  I know this won’t last forever and we’ll come out the other side just fine.  Discipline is a very tough thing for us right now because I don’t know what the best tactics are for her.  Sometimes one thing works and the next time it won’t.  I’m just bumbling through as best I can.  I know I can straighten anything out when she’s bigger that have turned into issues.  I’m hoping I get lucky and she’s still a good little girl when she gets a bit bigger. 

She really is good under those tantrums.  I know it’s about her being able to show frustration since she can’t put it into words.  And when she does do things I know she is testing her boundaries.  She had a nice nap today and she’s been a total angel since she woke up.  She’s so loving and dear God she’s so smart.  We were driving down the road in Tennessee and she actually recognized the words “HOME” and “LOVE” written on a billboard.  She knows all her letters, numbers and colors, but she has to be in the mood to do it.  If she’s not, she will mess up on purpose just to mess with me.

One of our big issues right now is sharing.  I really need to get that lesson sunk into her head!!  Everything that she touches is hers…”MINE” is her newest catch phrase.

Oh well…Hubby is working evenings and won’t be home until at least 8:30 p.m. tonight so since it is noon, I still have 8 hours chasing Lola until he gets home.  Princess is at her “mom’s” house until Saturday.  I miss her and will be glad when she is back.

Ya’ll, take care and I’ll try to check back in sometime in the near future.  No promises.  I’m not feeling so hot so I don’t want to promise anything.

CG

Currently listening :
Feel Good Inc.
By Gorillaz
Release date: 19 July, 2005

Back at home

A bit depressed, missing my mom, my sister, my niece, and my brother.  Why can’t I have it all?  My hubby, kids and my family?  I know that it is going to happen someday…but unless I can have them all together I have a hole in my heart.

I am feeling kind of draggy and I hope I snap out of it soon, for all your sakes.

On the up side, while I was gone my husband told me about this song — It’s called “Another Side of You” by Joe Nichols – and I’m going to post a link to the video here so you can listen to it–he said “You need to listen to this song.  It’s about you.”  When I did I was in tears.  How sweet is that?

He’ll be home from work soon and I’m sure I’ll feel a bit better about everything.

Love ya.

CG