It occurs to us

It just occurred to me what my mental issue/block has been with Princess lately.  This is the feeling I’m getting.  I have raised this child for 8 years, I have poured my heart and soul into mothering her.  I have given her everything I have to give, and we have indulged her to the fullest extent of our pathetic finances, perhaps to the point of keeping ourselves in a financial mess.  Anything she has desired, we have found a way to make it hers.  We tried to teach her values and how to earn things she really wanted, but really, we paved the way for her most of the time, and it was easier than it would have been for us, growing up.

I have done all the crazy fun things you wish your mom would do with you — I throw the best slumber parties, I like the things she likes, I include her in almost everything that Hubby and I do, i.e., going to concerts, etc.   I went to the first Harry Potter movie with her, in footy pajamas and pigtails just for the hell of it.  I played board games and card games, and watched Blues Clues and Disney movies and got her tickets to Aaron Carter when she was just 8 years old.  I dressed her like a princess and took her and all her friends to Benihana’s for her birthday when she turned 9 because she liked Benihana’s so much.  A $400 meal…for a bunch of 9 year olds who wouldn’t try anything new. 

We have taken her to DisneyWorld twice, she’s been to Cedar Point and Kings Island several times, camping, Washington DC, Florida three times, Pigeon Forge, TN, and those are just the things I’m coming up with off the top of my head.

She gets fireworks for her birthday.  I mean, my husband sets off REAL fireworks for her birthday every year.  The big ones…the mortars, etc. 

All of these things she has gotten are all because I thought of them and made them happen.  Not her father…me. 

Like I’ve said in previous entries, I’m the one pushing forward with trying to make sure we gather enough funds to send her to college.  I’m the one pushing forward to make sure she keeps those grades up in the acceptable range.  I’m the one who helps her prepare for the talent show each year.  I’m the one who makes sure she dresses nice for her concerts and occasions at school.  I’m the one who even spoils her friends…$80 for birthday present for TayTay last year alone…TayTay even came with us last year for our family photos and I had individual shots done of her, AND a best friends shot for her and Princess.  THIS YEAR, when we plan to buy our seasons pass to the amusement park chain, we planned on giving the extra pass for the family membership to TayTay to use with us, and if her family goes on separate occasions.

I help her get bras, helped her with her first period, her first tampon, God…everything.

But now that I’m having trouble just functioning and I can’t be Ms. Happy Camper, Big Time Charley throwing the money around…I am realizing that maybe Princess doesn’t love ME…she just loves the things we do and give her.  Now that those things are drying up for a while, she has nothing good to say to me.  She doesn’t want to be around me.  I thought I had gotten past the point in my life where I was buying people’s love.  But maybe I did buy Princess’s love…maybe it was never anything more than I just kept her so placated with gifts and stuff she didn’t see a point in letting her true feelings show?

And no matter how hard I’ve tried to show her I loved her with all these things, and trying to teach her good habits, manners and ethics, and protecting her and teaching her everything I could…I don’t think she will ever look at me as anything more than a step-mom, the wife of her dad, a provider of service.  She will always love her mom and give her the rewards of being a mother, while I get resentment when I don’t bend over backwards for the things she feels entitled to.

Tell me I am wrong.  Because I really don’t think you can.  Because you know I’m right.

And as far as Lola goes–lovely child but she is making me want to cut my tits off.  She will not stop lolling all over me, and has to be mashing her head/face/body into my tits and laying all over me at all times.  And, girls, the tits, they are sore a lot…and this doesn’t help. 

Right now, I’m thinking I need a girl’s weekend.  Badly.  And my therapist to come back from vacation.  Let’s make a movie called What About Liz? and I’ll be the Bill Murray character and show up to her vacation spot. LOL.

Now, look at all those things above that I have done for this child and tell me, did you ever go that far for your kids, all the time? 

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2 thoughts on “It occurs to us

  1. You ARE wrong.

    She loves you. Sure she loves all the good stuff you make happen but she does love you and your undying love for her. Unfortunately, my lady, she is at THAT age. And being the primary (and best) female caretaker, you have become her whipping mama. As hard as it is, try to not take her pissiness personally and try not to join in her games. She is pulling your heart-chains, have no doubt. And it is to be expected.

    I know you do all the good stuff – that’s what a great mom does. The problem is when a woman is as strong in as many areas as you are is feeling low (physically or emotionally) she cannot look to her family to boost her up. YOU have enabled them to be selfish and that’s not a bad thing for the most part. You do need a girlfriends’ weekend. I know it won’t fix everything but it may give you enough of a break to decide on new guidelines and expectations, and enough strength to come back ready to enforce them.

    This too shall pass with the Princess. You and she will have a wonderful bond forever, it’s just sometimes you won’t like each other much!

    Many, many hugs, Y.

  2. Obviously I’ve never been on the constant receiving end of a teenage girl’s attitude but it wasn’t to long ago that I was one so I thought I’d share my thoughts.

    Personally I thought I was an awesome teenager to deal with but I’m sure mom and dad would sing a different tune. There were plenty of times that I sincerely thought I HATED my father and any sign they showed of criticizing me for anything hurt me so badly I was convinced they both HATED me in return. Maybe the reason I lashed out toward dad is because we are alike or maybe cause I’m such a Mommy’s girl. We know for a fact Princess is a Daddy’s girl, and while you were spending that time and money trying to make her happy you were also spending alot of time with her and for this reason she has alot of your qualities, nobody would doubt she was your natural daughter if they didn’t know better. Unfortunately it looks like you’ll be on the receiving end of some hatefulness and attitude for those lovely teen years.

    Just know those feelings aren’t constant throughout the next few years, they have no logical reasoning, and best of all she’ll grow out of it. I can now honestly say that despite my parents stupid and silly decisions if you asked me how I feel about them now I would never waver in saying that I love them with all my heart and willingly recognize that I had an awesome childhood and was given everything they had in their power to give me. If you had asked me that question about 7 years ago I would have had a very different answer.

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