It just occurred to me what my mental issue/block has been with Princess lately. This is the feeling I’m getting. I have raised this child for 8 years, I have poured my heart and soul into mothering her. I have given her everything I have to give, and we have indulged her to the fullest extent of our pathetic finances, perhaps to the point of keeping ourselves in a financial mess. Anything she has desired, we have found a way to make it hers. We tried to teach her values and how to earn things she really wanted, but really, we paved the way for her most of the time, and it was easier than it would have been for us, growing up.
I have done all the crazy fun things you wish your mom would do with you — I throw the best slumber parties, I like the things she likes, I include her in almost everything that Hubby and I do, i.e., going to concerts, etc. I went to the first Harry Potter movie with her, in footy pajamas and pigtails just for the hell of it. I played board games and card games, and watched Blues Clues and Disney movies and got her tickets to Aaron Carter when she was just 8 years old. I dressed her like a princess and took her and all her friends to Benihana’s for her birthday when she turned 9 because she liked Benihana’s so much. A $400 meal…for a bunch of 9 year olds who wouldn’t try anything new.
We have taken her to DisneyWorld twice, she’s been to Cedar Point and Kings Island several times, camping, Washington DC, Florida three times, Pigeon Forge, TN, and those are just the things I’m coming up with off the top of my head.
She gets fireworks for her birthday. I mean, my husband sets off REAL fireworks for her birthday every year. The big ones…the mortars, etc.
All of these things she has gotten are all because I thought of them and made them happen. Not her father…me.
Like I’ve said in previous entries, I’m the one pushing forward with trying to make sure we gather enough funds to send her to college. I’m the one pushing forward to make sure she keeps those grades up in the acceptable range. I’m the one who helps her prepare for the talent show each year. I’m the one who makes sure she dresses nice for her concerts and occasions at school. I’m the one who even spoils her friends…$80 for birthday present for TayTay last year alone…TayTay even came with us last year for our family photos and I had individual shots done of her, AND a best friends shot for her and Princess. THIS YEAR, when we plan to buy our seasons pass to the amusement park chain, we planned on giving the extra pass for the family membership to TayTay to use with us, and if her family goes on separate occasions.
I help her get bras, helped her with her first period, her first tampon, God…everything.
But now that I’m having trouble just functioning and I can’t be Ms. Happy Camper, Big Time Charley throwing the money around…I am realizing that maybe Princess doesn’t love ME…she just loves the things we do and give her. Now that those things are drying up for a while, she has nothing good to say to me. She doesn’t want to be around me. I thought I had gotten past the point in my life where I was buying people’s love. But maybe I did buy Princess’s love…maybe it was never anything more than I just kept her so placated with gifts and stuff she didn’t see a point in letting her true feelings show?
And no matter how hard I’ve tried to show her I loved her with all these things, and trying to teach her good habits, manners and ethics, and protecting her and teaching her everything I could…I don’t think she will ever look at me as anything more than a step-mom, the wife of her dad, a provider of service. She will always love her mom and give her the rewards of being a mother, while I get resentment when I don’t bend over backwards for the things she feels entitled to.
Tell me I am wrong. Because I really don’t think you can. Because you know I’m right.
And as far as Lola goes–lovely child but she is making me want to cut my tits off. She will not stop lolling all over me, and has to be mashing her head/face/body into my tits and laying all over me at all times. And, girls, the tits, they are sore a lot…and this doesn’t help.
Right now, I’m thinking I need a girl’s weekend. Badly. And my therapist to come back from vacation. Let’s make a movie called What About Liz? and I’ll be the Bill Murray character and show up to her vacation spot. LOL.
Now, look at all those things above that I have done for this child and tell me, did you ever go that far for your kids, all the time?