Ah, my real blog…now I can spill

So, here it is, Wednesday afternoon at 3:30.  Today has been a so-so day as far as me and my relationship with FLYLady.  I got up and instead of doing my morning routine, I went straight to doing tax stuff.  It really needed done, and I actually was up part of the night worrying about it, so I guess I can understand my need to get up and just handle it.  Then, I went back and did a few things on my morning routine — cleaned my kitchen and loaded some more stuff in the dishwasher, made Hubby’s coffee for tomorrow, made my bed, got Lola dressed, and then started checking things on EB@y, etc.  I like things better when I actually get up and actually perform my morning routine before doing anything else.  It makes me feel like I am in control of my day.  It helps me to focus on the other things I need to do, if all my mundane household stuff is behind me.

Let’s keep that in mind for future days. 

I went to see the psychiatrist on Monday, to see how I’m doing with the Lamictal.  I told him that I was feeling better, and he agreed that I seemed much better.  What I have been doing is using this starter pack of Lamictal, where you step up in dosage over 5 weeks.  First 2 weeks are 25 mg, then 2 weeks of 50 mg, then 1 week of 100 mg.  On Monday night, I was supposed to take the first 100 mg pill.  I told him that the first two weeks of 25mg were great, I couldn’t believe the difference.  The 2 weeks of 50 mg were wonderful too, except I was quick to be irritable over things.  But I wasn’t sure if I could attribute that to the Lamictal or PMS.  (I’m still not sure, because I haven’t started my period yet — that should be the next couple of days).  We discussed other side effects, including the possible skin rash that one might get on Lamictal which would mean having to quit.  I told him I didn’t have a rash, just extremely dry skin.  However, I have extremely dry skin every winter, so I couldn’t attribute that to the Lamictal, either.  He informed me that the normal dosage of Lamictal is 200mg, but he was inclined to cap me at 100 mg since I seem to be doing so well on the lower dosage, and he didn’t want to tempt fate and make me have the skin reaction since my skin is already really dry.  And that works for me.  Hopefully the irritability is just PMS, and not the increased dose of Lamictal because I really want this to be the pill for me. 

My energy level since I started taking this pill is unbelievable.  And my outlook is better, and my judgment is less clouded.  I feel stable, I feel real.  I can’t say I’m always happy happy happy, but I’d be worried if I was — because of the manic side of bipolar.  Generally happy and content is what I’m working for.  Elation and joy are wonderful, as long as the feelings are genuinely deserved in the situation.  Euphoric feelings for no reason — that is something that indicates a manic swing is in session.  I haven’t had that at all.  Every once in a while I feel jubilant that this med is improving my life.  However, I am realistic, I have a lot of work to do to straighten myself out, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.  I am still procrastinating some things (like taking better physical care of myself), but I am at least taking care of my home and keeping us from financial ruination.

I really need to give myself permission to be healthy.  It’s so hard for me to make time for myself to exercise, to give thought to what I’m eating, to drink water throughout the day, to exercise moderation in partaking in certain foods and beverages.  To spend a bit of time every day truly relaxing and doing something I really enjoy (reading books versus reading MySp@ce bulletins LOL).  I need to get myself and Lola out more, or find some way to get some real exercise in the house.  It’s so damned cold.  I hate being cold.  Even just from house to car. 

I think I know most of my morning routine pretty well now, even without looking at the checklist.  I need to get to where I do the health stuff every day without fail, they are even more important than the housework.  They are just harder for me, so I procrastinate them.  It’s so easy to just mindlessly clean and work around here.  It’s much harder to sit down on my yoga mat and do my stretches with a 23 month old toddler throwing herself all over you.  It’s much easier to make a bowl of Fruity Pebbles than a fruit smoothie or omelet.  Yet these are the things that need to be done.

I think one thing I’m going to do is set a timer for my computer time in the morning.  No more than 30 minutes.  That way I won’t be tempted to lollygag around.

Here’s another thing — A couple weeks ago I was contacted by a marketing rep for IGIGI.com, and she sent me a dress to try on and write a review.  I meant to write it last week, but then Hubby and I got the flu and were down with that from Thursday to Monday.  Tonight’s the night.  It should be up here for everyone to see tomorrow!!!  You are going to love this dress!!

I gotta go!  I’m going to drink a glass of water, let’s get this healthy stuff started NOW!

CG

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