3rd Entry Today – Busy Blog!

Current mood: content

Just wanted to say hi.  Still feeling kind of sick to my tummy today, but better than yesterday.  Now, Princess is suffering from it.  She’s taking a nap.  She did watch Lola for me for an hour while I cleaned out some stuff in my closet.  I worked for one hour, and have 3 laundry baskets full of stuff to donate or sell.  And I’m not even done in there yet.  I want to get Hubby to go through his 27,000 flannel shirts and just pick 8 to keep, and get rid of the rest.  That ought to clear out some room on some of the shelves.  I’m also hoping to thin out the herd of T-shirts.  He still has two drawers full of “regular” T-shirts, and one drawer full of work T-shirts with the logos and what not.  He of course can keep the work t-shirts, but geez, 2 drawers full of T-shirts, a lot of which don’t get worn?  At least I’m hoping he will let me put one half of them in a box to store until the other ones wear out.  Because a lot of these T-shirts are like new and have only been worn once or twice. 

He doesn’t know it, but I did get rid of some of his stuff today.  He has a lot of “junk” clothes to work on cars, etc.  But does one really need 20 pairs of “junk” jeans with holes in them and stains all over them when one can only wear one pair at a time?  I figure 5 is enough.  So I got rid of a whole lot of really shredded pants.  I also got rid of some of his “junk” shirts.  He had like 40 of them.  Again, too many for “junk”. 

I did have a hard time parting with some of my jeans.  But luckily, a couple of my favorite pairs that I’ve outgrown, fit Princess and she’s taking them.  She’s very pleased, and they look lovely on her little tiny rear end. LOL.  I told her however that if I got thinner again I’d be wearing them too. LOL.

There were two pairs that were a little too big on her but I still love them dearly, and I’m only a little too big for them, so if I lose 10 or 20 lbs I can wear them again.  I only kept the two pairs, so I guess that’s better than some people!  I did do a tremendous thing.  I got rid of a size 10 jeans I’ve had since high school.  I LOVED these jeans and how they made my ass look!  But since late 2000, I’ve not been able to cram my ass in them.  Anyway, they are straight legged jeans and I’ve come to dislike them anyway.  I prefer boot cut or flares.  I know the straight leg pants are coming back into style right now but I’ll pass these on to someone who can actually wear them.

Size 10.  Can you believe that?  I was actually in a size 10 when I moved up here, but lost a bunch of weight the first 6 months from stress, and could wear size 8.  But I already let go of size 8 clothes I had because I knew I’d probably never go back there again…because when I was a size 8, all I heard from everybody is “Are you ok?  You don’t look too good.  You’ve lost a lot of weight, are you sure you are ok?”  I even heard that I looked like death warmed over, and that I needed some meat on my bones again.  So I am hopefully never going to look that scary again. LOL.  Kind of reminds me of Bridget Jones in her book, when she finally gets down to her goal weight, and everyone tells her she looked better before. 

Right now, I’m sitting here typing this, Lola is slowly drifting towards napdom, Princess is upstairs taking a nap, and I’m drinking my first Dr. Pepper of the day.  Usually I’ve had 4 by now, but I’m trying to drink more water.  So far I’ve had 4 glasses of water today.

I’m expecting a family friend any time now, who is bringing over our new furnace.  He is taking it down to the basement to take some measurements so he can get some pieces of tin cut for some reason that only guys who know about furnaces understand.  Then, hopefully next week, we will have our new furnace installed.  Then, after that, we can get up on the roof and remove the chimney when we get a chance.  Right now, it’s too icy and of course I don’t want Hubby up there right now.  But every wet day is causing more damage to the roof, and the walls that run along the chimney column. 

My dining room wall is the worst.  The water is bubbling behind the paint.  The wall is lath & plaster, and the bubbling behind the paint kind of looks like the wall has ringworm.  One of the ringworms looks exactly like the shape of Africa.  I will miss that once we fix the damage.

You know, I’ve been working hard for a couple of weeks now, I’ve been busily decluttering, cleaning, and starting to FLY again (FLY means Finally Loving Yourself).  I have accomplished a lot, and yet, I have found the time, an hour at a time, to read Harry Potter from Book 1 to Book 4.  It has been good to set aside a little time every day to read.  As a matter of fact, I think I’ll do that now.  If Lola falls asleep, I will put in another movie and enjoy.

Take care, everyone! 

Currently listening :
Family Affair
By Mary J. Blige
Release date: By 06 November, 2001

2nd Entry today – Profound

Current mood: touched

This was shared by a friend on d-land….

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a big cry, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening…

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come charging over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that happily ever after is a process that begins with acceptance of what you cannot control so you can sort through and deal with the rest. A deep sense of serenity is born of this acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not and don’t have to be perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence arises from self-approval.

You stop hurting over other people, for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a comfort zone is born of self-reliance.

You cease to judge and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You come to know that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the stuff you’ve been told about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of family and how much of yourself and your life you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to examine the doctrines and values you may have outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to trust your inner person.

You learn that it truly is in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop going through life as mere observer, and participate with enthusiasm.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you can’t fix everything; it’s not your job to save the world and you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning when and how to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

You learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of who you are with or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You realize how futile it is to attempt to control people, their situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “measure up.” You enjoy time spent alone with yourself.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to attach some priority to what you want and at times it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you don’t have to settle for less. You internalize the meaning of self-respect. You find that friendships really can last a lifetime.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a better diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit, so you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much in life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve cherished goals you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you need fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that to cave to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to love your life and not to waste it living under a cloud of dread. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it’s just life happening.

You learn to deal with the negative in its most primal state. You learn that feelings such as anger, envy and resentment happen, but must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison your universe. You learn to admit your mistakes and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people can only dream about; food in the pantry, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. You take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to be kind to yourself, trusting and staying open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

–Author Unknown

Currently listening :
By Adam Ant
Release date: By 07 March, 1995