First of all, my appointment with the psychiatrist went really well last night. I really liked him, and felt really comfortable talking to him. At first I was a little nervous about having a male psychiatrist, but the only female psychiatrist in the office won’t accept my insurance. But my therapist is in the same office and recommended this doctor to me, and she was right.
He prescribed a mood stabilizer for me, and I guess I’m going to take it for the first 6 weeks to see what effect it has on the situation. But once again I was reminded that just seeing someone and talking about things a little always makes me feel better. I am thinking I should perhaps join a therapy group or something that meets weekly. Hell, probably if I just started going to Al-Anon again that would help tremendously.
I can’t pat myself on the back for going to see the Dr. last night, because I made that appointment over a month ago. But it is funny how just doing something that is good for me, often makes me feel better. When I got home, I stretched for 10 minutes and that was good. I slept pretty good comparatively.
During my appointment with the Dr., we discussed how “Depression Hurts”. We did a quick overview of my stressors. He took a brief history, including talking about my money issues. We went back to my previous marriage and discussed the unfairness of the situation, and the way I did without many things I needed during that time, and before that, my family’s poverty that pretty much propelled me to become a legal secretary at age 15. When we go back there and talk about that, I know that many of the things I do with money are based off of that feeling of deprivation. I am tired of not having what I want. So I go ahead and get it and devil take the consequences. But in satisfying my short term wants, I am delaying or even eliminating my long-term and more satisfying goals of being debt free and having true autonomy.
He asked if I had ever been arrested, and I told him about my experience with being arrested when I was 20 years old. Sometime I will tell you all about it. Suffice it to say, the charges were dropped, as they should have been. But I still had to go through the humilation of being cuffed (in front of my co-workers) and taken downtown, put in a holding cell with prostitutes and drug dealers, fingerprinted and my picture taken for posterity. After I finished the story, I looked up and his eyes were kind of teared up, and he said, “That, CG, is horrible.” I have never really talked about it in detail since it happened (except maybe to Kitster), and I got a little upset, and his reaction made me decide I like him a lot.
Oh! And while I was sitting in the lobby, my therapist came out to get her next patient, saw me, and her eyes lit up and she came over and leaned over to me and patted my knee. I love my Sarah. She is definitely a plus in my life.
I still have no idea what to do next. I’m still feeling pretty crappy. Better than the last couple of days, but crappy nonetheless, and not wanting to do anything. It is cold and dreary here, but of course not enough snow for Hubby to snow plow and help our money situation.
This morning I did something I normally don’t do. I sent a letter of complaint to someone. The company is called Body Central, and they make absolutely adorable clothes. If you’re a skinny minnie (that is, size 12 or less), you should go check them out. www.bodyc.com. If I was that small I’d definitely be buying lots of stuff from them. Thus my complaint. Here’s what I said to them:
“I received your catalog in the mail. At first, I was excited because the clothes look so beautiful and just the style I like to wear. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that they only go to size 12. I am a size 14. Haven’t you guys gotten the memo? The AVERAGE American woman is a size 16. Plus size fashion is a growing industry, and it would behoove you to start thinking of that. Or do you subscribe to the belief that anyone over size 12 is unattractive? I think Marilyn Monroe would disagree with that, she was a size 16 herself. Unfortunately, because you don’t carry my sizes, I will be spending my budgeted clothing money elsewhere. It’s really too bad…you have some pretty clothes that would look lovely on my curvaceous frame.”
I really am disappointed in this company because I opened this catalog and I was so geeked. My excitement quickly turned to unhappiness as I realized in the first couple of pages the size issue they have. Then the catalog viewing turned into an accusation – “You are fat. You are ugly. You will never look like this. You can’t have these pretty clothes because you’re fat.” Who gave them my address in the first place? Stupid catalogs.
If you’re a curvy woman like me and you want some hot, gorgeous clothes made for us – go to www.igigi.com. They got it goin’ on.