Something to offend everybody — Cincinnati Barbies

This will only be funny to Cincinnati natives but still amusing, and had to share.

Mattel announced the release of Cincinnati Limited Edition Barbie Dolls: 

Indian Hill Barbie: This Princess Barbie is sold only at Kenwood Mall or
Newport Beach, California. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Jaguar, a lapdog and custom-designed house. Options include: tummy tuck, face lift and a Workaholic Ken. 

Hyde Park Barbie: This set includes Aging Trophy Wife Barbie and is available with the Lexus or Mercedes SUV. Her exquisite detail includes expression of being perpetually lost due to her lack of a job or a clue. Accessories include Money-Losing Hobby Business in O’Bryonville, Golden Retriever and assorted mugs from
Manhattan coffee shops. Traffic jamming cell phone, matching gym outfit and hunky “personal trainer” sold separately. 

Over the Rhine Barbie: Recently Paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, Ray Lewis knife, and a slammed Chevrolet with cat eyes, oversized wheels and tinted windows. Deluxe set includes Police Brutality Protester Ken with “It’s Not My Fault” placard. Also available is the special 2001 limited edition Riot Pack which includes Fictional Church Reverend Ken with megaphone and five police night sticks. 

Cheviot Barbie: Featuring Cornhole Barbie with beanbags and throwing action arm, this set includes

Sears
Home with linoleum kitchen and 60’s powder blue table. The kitchen is exceptionally detailed with goetta cooking in the frying pan and a six-pack of Hudy Delight in the fridge.  Lunch pail-toting Blue Collar Ken with welding torch sold separately. 

Mariemont Barbie: This set includes Yuppie Snob Barbie, two Aryan children, choice of BMW 3-series or accessorized Hummer 2 (both with “My Child Is Superior To Yours” bumper sticker), Starbucks cup, Platinum credit card and Shallow Ken. Available clothing sets include: the “Stay in
Fairfax until you hit six figures” T-shirt and matching sweat suit. 

Batavia Barbie: Sold exclusively at Eastgate Mall, this set Includes White-Trash Barbie with Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a Jeff Gordon T-shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. A special water reservoir allows her to spit up to 5 feet. Black and blue make-up kit is included in accessory pack with Teamsters Ken with the ribbed wife-beater t-shirt. Other accessory kits include the Dodge pickup with Confederate flag and WEBN bumper stickers. 

Clifton Barbie: Set includes Pierced Barbie and Delta Chi pledge paddle. Disheveled Socially Conscious Ken also available with oversized pants. 

Western Hills Barbie (also sold as Price Hill Barbie): Available with your choice of 70s flip hairdos, a Ford Ranger pickup, and a pit bull.  This Barbie has a mouth that is firmly closed so as not to show her summer teeth, extra tight Daisy dukes with camel toe detail, and half T-shirt revealing Harley-Davidson tattoos. Both versions are talking versions with five curses preprogrammed. 

Norwood Barbie: This set includes Cigarette-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie. She wears high-heeled sandals from Payless with breaking heel.  Beer Gut Ken with Mullet sold separately. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in ! sparkly bubblegum pink gloss. Her ensemble includes acid-washed jeans with barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted with black roots. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi and a Camaro Z-28 with T-Tops. 

Mason/West
Chester Barbie
: Last but not least is the newest Barbie sold only at Target on Fields-Ertel or Tylersville Roads. She’s dressed in a Polartec fleece jacket and Tencel cropped pants. Accessories include a Honda Mini-Van with four soccer playing children. Mason/West Chester Ken can be purchased at the Delta Terminal gift shop in the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

One thought on “Something to offend everybody — Cincinnati Barbies

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