Current mood: hopeful
I may not be on here for the next few days. I am reading an excellent book about learning to live with bipolar disorder. The philosphy is that medication alone cannot really create stability in a person who is suffering from bipolar spectrum disorders. You have to learn to manage it with lifestyle changes, support, and other changes. Bipolar disorders, like diabetes, is an illness. It is not a character flaw. It is simply a condition that affects the brain’s chemistry, particularly the part of the brain that regulates emotions. You cannot fix it by willpower alone, just as diabetics cannot regulate their insulin levels by willpower alone.
I am really getting a lot out of this book, it is helping me to see some things about myself that are actually a part of the disorder that I never realized were part of it. It is a great book that is directed not only toward to person suffering from the disorder, it also has insight for the family and friends of those who suffer, so that they can provide the support that is truly needed, and to know when they have crossed over into caretaking versus support. JHubby is reading it with me. I am so glad that he is invested in me feeling better, as much as I am.
I need to get in a structure of managing this bipolar stuff before I can do anything else, because I think the bipolar stuff may be part of my trigger for fibromyalgia pain. Also, my apathy that occurs during the depression parts has kept me from taking better care of my physical health, and I think that has affected me by making me so deconditioned that even basic physical activity makes me sore. I have really gotten out of shape in every way (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually), that I need to claw my way back out of it. And that is exactly what it is going to be. It is going to be hard work and I am going to have to focus all my attention on making myself well. I have to treat this illness first. It comes before working, relationships, hobbies, anything else.
I hope my friends and family will understand, it will take time for me to examine myself and my symptoms to understand my personal experience of bipolar disorder, and then to find the right combinations of medications and lifestyle changes to find some balance. I can’t give anything to anyone else if I don’t give myself some TLC first.
However, I am truly invested in getting my life and my dreams back.
I am also applying for some part-time seasonal work at some of the local shops nearby, because I feel I really need to get out of the house more by myself. Plus it will help us to get back on track financially. It is not permanent, probably through the holidays, but if I find that working part time is helping my outlook I may consider doing it into the next year. I am hoping to work evenings so that Hubby and Princess can take care of Lola and I won’t have the expense of daycare, nor will I have the guilt of leaving my baby with someone she doesn’t know. I don’t have any friends or relatives that live close enough for it to be feasible for them to watch her every day economically. Now, if Sis-in-law moves anytime soon, that may change, if she wants to make some money and spend some time with the cutest girl in the world.
So, I am concentrating on those things. Firstly, the health issues, and secondly and not as urgently, the P-T job.
Just thought I’d update you all.