I awoke this morning with a startling clarity of thought.
Why can’t every day be like this one?
What I woke up thinking this morning is that I spend most days fighting against my heart’s desires. I woke up this morning knowing that the things I wanted to do the most were: 1) Let those closest to me know how much I love and appreciate them (particularly very special girlfriends); 2) Work on my plans to beautify my living space, because I thrive in peaceful, calm surroundings.
Then it occurred to me if I just took a moment every morning to see what I was feeling like doing that day, and went with it, I’d be much more productive. Instead of spending all today thinking I should be washing dishes and scrubbing floors, doing laundry, I am going to do what my heart is urging. Every day I’m going to try to do that.
Today, it occurred to me again that my life has its ups and downs (esp. since I have bipolar tendencies), and every time I feel the despair that I feel will never go away, it always does. And of course, it may come back, but that is part of the way my life goes.
Today, it occurred to me that I am extremely blessed, and although we are having a hard time financially, even if I lost everything in this home, I’d still have my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. Even if we had to go backwards–losing our home and had to move into an apartment or another rental, we’d be ok, and I would do what I am best at — making the best of the situation, no matter what.
If I spend every day doing what my heart tells me to do, then when the end comes, I can look back and know that I didn’t waste my life! If I spend every day subjugating my own desires I will look back on my life with regret.
What makes my home beautiful is me, and my loved ones. It could be a 2 room trailer, and if it has love, it would be beautiful. You can have little material goods and yet have a beautiful home by just taking pride in what you do have and keeping it neat and clean.
My grandpa used to say, “There are 2 kinds of poor people in the world–dirty poor and clean poor. We’re clean poor. We don’t have much, but what we have we keep spotless and we keep ourselves spotless. When someone comes to us and needs some of our food, we don’t think about what we are going to eat tomorrow, we share what we have today, knowing that generosity will ensure that we will be ok tomorrow.” He would tell my mom that as she and my aunts would scrub the wooden plank floors of their house with lye soap, and they scrubbed them every day and the wood was scrubbed white. My mom said they had the prettiest house in the whole hollow, because they took pride in its cleanliness and made the best of what they had.
When I think about that, how can I feel like I don’t have enough. My mom once said, “Enough is as good as a feast.” It really stuck in my mind and today I feel it strongly.
That leads me to another thought — I AM ENOUGH. I’m more than enough. Hell, most people tell me I’m TOO MUCH!!! At least I know I have something in abundance–[CeltGoddess]ness! I’m a special person, I have to be or my husband wouldn’t love me. He’s absolutely amazing and would never settle for a mate who wasn’t amazing too.
Another thing I was thinking today was you know how sometimes we focus on our friends’ and families bad qualities and forget everything wonderful they are? One person can sometimes be grumpy or annoying, but that same person can be loving, caring, giving, thoughtful, generous, funny, beautiful, smart.
As a matter of fact, that applies to me too. Yes, I’m a bit manic/depressive and can be a bit negative. I can be a bit opinionated, I can be a bit of a hermit. I can flake on plans occasionally. I eat too much junk food. I talk too much. But I’m also passionate, loyal, friendly, really smart, occasionally beautiful, frequently pretty, get over personal injuries quickly, forgiving of the people I love the most, I get the impression I’m hilariously funny (people are always laughing at me!), silly, basically I’m a Goddess on Earth. One person can be good and bad and even though they have some not-so-desirable qualities, that does not make them unloveable or unworthy.
So now, I’m going to go and do what I intend for today — I’m going to do something special for my friends; and then I’m going to work on making my living room a bit more comfortable (using things I already have).
Everyone, remember the best way to be happy is to live in the now…keep one eye on the future, but the rest of you should be completely in the present.