Since Last Year at this Time…

He leaves tomorrow for the hunting trip. I am sad.

Tiffy is coming to visit tomorrow while he is away. I am happy.

Right now, the sad outweighs the happy, but when I get down to Lexington and see Tiffy’s smiling face (she better be smiling), the scales may even up or even tip completely to happy.

I am hoping she will be willing to help me do a couple of minor householdy things on Monday or Tuesday, since I am having my knitting/crocheting group over on Wednesday night.

OH! Tiffy, if you read this and you have any crocheting projects you are working on, bring them with you!!! It’s only for 2 hours on Wednesday evening and they are older ladies and they are very nice. I promise.

But anyway, right now I am sad because my love will be gone for over a week. He might as well already be gone, as much time as we have gotten to spend today on his day off.

😦 I hope he has a great time though, and I’m going to do my best to do the same. I have lots of fun things planned, so I should be fine from wake-up to bed-time. The bedtime part is going to be the hardest part though.

But it is only a few days, and he will be home. I can survive. After last year’s hunting trip fiasco, I will never ever say or do anything to keep him from having a great time. Even though last year he had to come home early and I was blamed for that, it really wasn’t my fault. But of course the people involved wouldn’t believe that even if they had been flies on the wall here at my home when everything went down.

I almost wrote about it here just now, but I decided to erase it, because I don’t want any more drama, and I’m not sure if my diary ever gets read by the parties in question anymore.

People are all just different in what they want out of life and their relationships. If you just have a different way of looking at those issues, the way that other people live their lives may not make sense to you. But that doesn’t make their lives any more right or wrong than yours. Each of us is entitled to live our lives the way we really want to. Some of us have different needs in our marriages than others. Hubby and I are extremely close and yes, I miss him dreadfully when he is not around.

He truly brings sunshine into my life, and always has since the day I met him. He is one of the only people in this world who I feel truly knows every facet of me. He knows things about me that my best friends don’t even know, and that’s saying something because my best friends and sisters know a LOT.

He knows I never wanted him to lose any friends because of me. I will say this–he and his brother both have learned a lot about what true friendship is about this year. And so have I. I have also learned to forgive, especially those who really don’t understand me and hate me for what they think I am. When you don’t really know someone, and you say you hate them, you are hating a false entity. If, however, Hubby or Kitty or someone who really knows me well, were to hate me, that’s something different entirely.

But luckily, I can say without reservation that almost every person who knows me deep down (other than my ex-husband), that I’ve let in that far, has never betrayed that trust, and still loves me.

You can usually tell if someone is truly an unconditional friend early on in a relationship. We tend to reveal ourselves in layers; kind of like an onion (i.e., Shrek…). If we get acceptance for the outer layers, we will start letting them in deeper. If we start feeling rejection in those earlier layers, we will hesitate to let them in deeper.

There are a lot of former friends out there who don’t care much for me, but honestly, I’m glad to say other than my ex-husband, I’ve not let any of them into my layers that deep, so although they have seen something in my outward self they may not have liked, they really don’t know my heart and honestly, I don’t want them to ever know it, because they turned their back on me because of far less important things.

I guess this probably doesn’t make much sense. But I guess, what I am trying to say is, and maybe my sister-in-law would agree, that since last year’s hunting trip, I feel a lot stronger about myself, my family, and both Bat and I have opened our lives to the possibility that some friends do grow apart and that is ok, and that there are other people out there who would love to delve a few layers deeper into who we are and want to know us better.

I appreciate all the friends that I have really gotten close to over the last year; and I really appreciate even more those friendships that have stood the test of time. It just occurred to me that my friendship with SIL has been almost as long as my “love” relationship with Hubby. That makes me smile. I also think about other friends who have stood the test of time, Tracy, Kitty, Kathy and Kat…and BIL too. They are just a couple of friends I feel grateful for.

Especially BIL and SIL, because if you see the bad side of someone and they love you anyway, that’s saying something. And BIL and SIL have seen the bad side of me, and they continue to amaze me every day with how good they are to me.

Of course, I could write for hours about how much I love my niece, and how important she is in my life, but I don’t have enough time–it would take me hours and I need to get to bed so I can pick her up tomorrow. We will be on the road for 12 hours just to get her up here to stay with me; and there aren’t many people I’d do that for (especially pregnant and having to go potty every 30 minutes)–so I guess that says everything I don’t have time to.

I am going to bed now. At least I get to leave before Hubby, so I won’t have to watch him go.

Goodnight, everyone.


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